Slowly losing Chipper — what can you say when your best friend nears the end of his life
I first met him when I picked him up at Reagan National one cold March Sunday in 2002. The breeder’s husband zipped open his carry-on bag to hand him to me, and in that instant I fell in love with him. No matter how many pups you may own in your life, there’s always one who sings to your heart. For me, that always has been and always will be, my Chipper.
My Chipper, “the Chip”
Now, he’s nearing the end of his life. After 10 years, 10 months, he is rapidly declining. He was diagnosed with a chemodectoma (heart tumor) in September and has gone blind in his left eye due to glaucoma. Then I began noticing his behavior was off, staring into space, wandering around the house, not hearing. I took him to the hospital for a neuro exam, and they delivered the bad news. I was not imagining his odd behavior; they saw it too. And the only causes could be brain tumor, meningoencephalitis, or cerebral vascular accident, a.k.a. stroke.
Since Wednesday, when he was diagnosed, he has declined even further, unsteady on his legs, unsure of where he is, and mostly sleeps during the day. I had initially thought of having an MRI done to find out what exactly was the issue and possible radiation therapy, but my gut instinct tells me I’m too late for that. After reading about canine brain tumors in a study from the North Carolina State University, I fear the worst. He’s not had seizures, thank God, and I don’t want to wait for one to take hold. I went through meningoencephalitis with my other Boston Terrier, Poco, four years ago and it’s a horrible disease. The neurologist and I tried to save her for four months. I spent over $10,000 trying everything, but she died in my arms at the hospital.
So as I write this, the memories of Chipper, ball-crazy Chipper, come flooding back. He took his ball-playing very seriously. He’d bark until you came up to the ball, then he’d back away, crouch down watching you, watching the ball, and at your slightest movement, he’d pounce on the ball, and proudly prance away with the ball in his mouth. He could run like the wind, even until a few months ago, tearing up the back yard running after my two Shepherds. Playing tug o’war and refusing to let go of the ball even as they girls would practically swing him in the air. And now, he can’t see his ball anymore. When you roll it to him, he can’t seem to tell where it is. His depth perception is lost. He can’t discern where the sounds come from.
Chipper was not for the show ring, nor was he a canine hero that saved someone’s life. His temperament would never let him be a therapy dog, except for me, when he kept me sane when I cared for my mother in her final stages of dementia at 93. He’s lived up to his name, Chipper. He’s always been a happy boy. When he woke up in the morning, that was the signal everyone had to get up. He’s always been here when I opened the door. He’s slept atop the quilt covers at night. He’s been my rock. He’s been my Chipper.
Every time this past week when I’ve tried preparing myself and imagining the house without him, I dissolve into tears, and pray to God for just a few more days. I am so grateful to Him that He blessed me and gave Chip into my care. The best possible for Chip would be for him pass away peacefully in his sleep. But, I pray that God will give me the strength to make the right decision for Chip and know when that time has come. I couldn’t bear for my best friend to suffer, and I don’t want to see him in seizures.
Poco went across Rainbow Bridge February 13, 2008, and I know she’s waiting for her best bud. She’ll look after him there as she looked after him while she was alive. That gives me comfort, and it gives me peace in knowing what I will have to do in the coming days.
Read “Heaven is For Real” by Todd Burpo (Thomas Nelson publisher). #1 NY Times bestseller. There is not a doubt in my mind that you will see and play with Chipper again.
Hi Tom, hope you’re doing well, and appreciate your comments. I’ve heard of the book, and ordered it from Amazon; they sent the children’s version. I don’t how I’m getting through this week. Mommies are not supposed to have favorites. When I lost Poco to this dreaded diseased 4 years ago, despite loving her as i did, I said thank you God, it was not Chipper. Now I’m faced with losing my best bud. I promised myself that I would do what’s best for Chipper, not what’s best for myself. I will keep that promise to him. All the best.
Hi Tom,
Wishing you and your family a very Happy Thxgiving. I lost Chipper last Thursday, Nov. 15. He suffered a seizure late in the afternoon, and that was all I needed to see. He died in my arms at the vet early evening. He’s at peace now with Poco, mom and dad, and will be enjoying his turkey with them. Take care and thx so much for the thoughts.
I’m at a real loss for words here at the moment. I am so sorry to hear your sad news. Celebrate Chipper’s life and know that you will meet and play again.
I pray that he is able to pass without any suffering. My heart goes out to you. I know how hard it is to let your best friend go.
Brightest Blessings from Bill and Otis
Thank you very much for taking the time to comment on my post (I checked out Otis — way cute; don’t Bostons have the most wonderful personalities.) The MRI yesterday confirmed it’s a cancerous brain tumor, so I’m taking each day at a time. If I do nothing other than meds, then it’s 4-6 weeks. If I opt for radiation, the I buy another 9-12 months. However, little Chipper, I wonder if he’ll be able to really withstand 16 treatments, each requiring anesthesia. I will not stand by and wait for him to seize and continue decline. I talk to God every night and ask for the sign so that I’ll know what to do it, and when to do it. Thank you for your understanding.
Keeping you and Chipper in my heart, thoughts and prayers. Those are really hard decisions to have to make. I know it was really difficult for me when I had to make that decision on dog I had before Otis. I know that I could not handle knowing that there was any suffering at all. Radiation itself is really hard to go through and all of the anesthesia that is involved with that too. As difficult as it is I know that you have Chippers best interest at heart. Brightest Blessings to you.
I found this article today and I don’t know if it is beyond the point, but I am one that is always up for something. http://healthypets.mercola.com/sites/healthypets/archive/2012/11/07/mushroom-cancer-treatment.aspx?e_cid=20121107_PetsNL_art_1 . Good luck and brightest blessings
Just a short note, that Chipper passed away in my arms last Thursday, Nov. 15, one month to the day, shy of his 11th birthday. He suffered a seizure late afternoon, and then called the vet for an appt early evening. He continued to seizure, so I knew my decision was the right one. He’ll be enjoying his Thxgiving dinner with his sister, Poco, and my mom and dad in heaven. I truly believe that. I’m grateful for my life with him, and to honor him, I’ll most likely bring another pup into my home to give it the love and care I gave Chip.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is one of the hardest things in life to face. You have a great out look on it and knowing that everything played out just the way it was suppose to. You are so right, Chipper is amongst the rest of his family and awaiting the day that you can be re-united. Know that he is back to his regular self now, with no pain and is happy.
Brightest Blessings to you, I hope to be able to stay in touch.
Bill
Hi, My Rockie was just diagnosed with a chemodectoma yesterday. We’re heartbroken and fearing the suffering that lies ahead for our family. I’m so sorry for you and Chipper. My thoughts will be with you during your difficult time.
Thank you very much for your comments. It’s been a very rough week, and rougher yet to come. Regarding your Rockie and his diagnosis, chemodectomas are mostly benign according to Chipper’s cardiologist. I discussed Chipper’s yesterday with the oncologist, who may do Chipper’s radiation, and she told me that it depends whether the chemodectoma is affecting other major organs, and its size. Chipper’s is located at the base of his heart, and we only knew it was there because the vet picked up arrhytmia. Chemodectoma is not an immediate death sentence, so work with your vet and you may yet have many quality years left with Rockie.
Thanks so much for your reply. We had our first appointment with the oncologist today. We are going to try an immunotherapy drug called Palladia and see if that helps shrink the tumor at all. This little dog is my heart and I’ll do whatever I can for her as long as she wants it and doesn’t suffer more from any treatments. It seems like you feel the same way about Chipper. You seem like a wonderful mom to him and he’s probably in the best hands possible. Good luck to you and Chipper. I’ll keep you both in my thoughts and hope that you have more time left with him.
Hello,
I hope Rockie is on his way to recovery. My little Chipper passed away in my arms last Thursday early evening. The vet told me I had 4-6 weeks, but he barely passed two after suffering a seizure in late afternoon, and then continuing until he passed. I’m so grateful I had him for 10 yrs, 11 mos. to the day. Give Rockie a hug from me, and treasure each and every day; you won’t regret it. I hope he has many years ahead of him, and Happy Thanksgiving.
Oh, I’m so sorry. Just devastating news. I was just wondering how he was doing this week. Thank you for thinking of us and sending your message during what must be such a difficult time for you. Rockie is hanging in there and we are savoring every moment with her. She’s so loved just like your Chipper was. I hope you are able to find some comfort in his memory during the holidays and they won’t be too difficult for you.