It’s one of those pre-Memorial day rites of summer that all grillmeisters await, that is, some can’t wait while other can. I’ve decided that I’m in the latter category. I just came in from a beautiful Sunday afternoon of scraping, cleaning, polishing and keeping fingers crossed that my grill of the last five years will work when the ignition switch is pushed. It’s during the cleaning and scraping period that I ask myself why I need a godzilla size grill, with “922 sq.inches of cooking space” when I mostly grill for one person. Then when I start grilling, all self-doubt is overcome with marinades, rotisseries, grill baskets, and the I’m going to be on “Grill It!” someday with Bobby Flay.
It was during my Sunday cleaning (and casting a glance in the distance at my neighbor with her feet up reading a magazine, while her husband mowed the lawn) that I decided I should start a business and call it “Rent-a-Spouse”. No, I’m not under the influence; I’ve had the idea for some time. If I had Rent-A-Spouse, he’d be cleaning the grill, AND picking up doggie leftovers, mowing the lawn, sweeping out the garage, mulching the garden, destroying the wasp nests, changing the second story floodlights, picking up expired wildlife, and other “owning a house” activities.
Now there are those of you who would question why I need to rent-a-spouse. Get a handyman, lady! Ah, no. Cleaning the grill took me back to memories of my childhood. My father had three passions in his life: his family, his factory, and his golf game. The order of the passions was always subject to change. But, when it came to the “honey-do” list, he was never any match for mother.
Mom had spent 62 years of carefully crafting dad into the perfect spouse, She had the vocabulary of a June Cleaver, but the eye of a forensic specialist, the tongue of a prosecutor, and the stamina of a Navy Seal. She could outlast any “I’ll get to it”. And, when she was in her element, she could inspire F-E-A-R, or, give enough guilt so that, to borrow a phrase from Henry Higgens, “the Angels will weep for you.” How well I remember my father’s favorite expression when it came to mother and if her “to do” list standards were not met, “Ohhhhh, your MOTHER!”
And, that ‘s why I need “Rent-a-Spouse”. I get my household “must-do’s” done, and then I send ’em back home, no fuss, no muss. And the wives (and husbands) get recompensed ($$) for all their efforts.
So what do you think? Am I on to something?